Mentally a little better than yesterday

I’ve tried to remain really positive through this injury. Yesterday was my first breakdown.

First, missing the Alumni 5k this weekend. I honestly had been picturing myself gunning for that stadium record for the last month, hugging my coach afterwards, etc. I’m not going to be able to race, but because Nate’s going to run the Alumni mile, I’ll be down there anyway. That’s the hardest: showing up to a race that you know (and want!) to rock out at, and just watching from the sidelines.

Second, I think Fargo is in a little jeopardy right now. I feel terrible about that, since I’ve signed up everyone in my family to run a race there with me. My mom and dad are running a 5k (their first EVER!), my brother is running the 1/2 marathon, Nate and HIS dad are running the 1/2 marathon, Nate’s mom is running the 5k… all because I’ve convinced them too. Definitely could have picked a location a little closer to home for everyone — so I feel bad having them drive all the way up there.

Plus, I just really, REALLY miss beating my body and pursuing my crazy goal. That’s my “purpose” right now, and I absolutely love it. Now I feel purpose-less, if that makes sense.

But, today I’ve decided that 1. I’m OK with just cheering at the Alumni meet. Yes, it sucks, but it’s not the end of the world, and 2. Maybe I could come back and race a good 1/2 marathon at Fargo. Hate to start my contingency plan so far out, but I only have 4.5 weeks to Fargo (I doubt I’ll be able to run much in the next week, and getting back up to speed will probably take another 1-2 weeks… leaving me with 1.5 weeks to train and taper. Grandma’s might be a good option? Again I feel bad dragging my family all the way to Fargo, but they all have their own goals there — so it’s not like they’d be travelling the distance just to watch me. and 3. The whole “goal” thing still bothers me, and will throughout the healing process. But, I can focus on my work, Finn Sisu, my house, quilting, gardening, etc — all the things you miss when you’re training hard. Just have to make “goals” around these things as well.

*Sigh* Who would have thought?